if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
