Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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