i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
