just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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