I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
