I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
