what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
