this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
