Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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