I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
