My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
