Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
operation have a gay friend backfired
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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