I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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