A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
