I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
