Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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