Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
smell my finger.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
