hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I booty called her while she was in labor.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
