I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
