that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it hurts more in the daytime
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
