DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
