Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
