When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
