Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
