i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
