She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
