just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
