somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
