Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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