why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
