you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
