For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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