too bad you live with your parents still
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
