Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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