you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
