Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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