My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My balls are so social today.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
