my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Randomize
