Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
