But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
