i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
