At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
