Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
