You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
