defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
