is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
