i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
