I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
