We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
