I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
