A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
