My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
