I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
