i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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